2017-06-26 Diary

I’ve taken to writing a few sentences every day into a little Moleskine notebook with my fountain pen, hoping that it will help me cope better. Some times I feel “stretched thin.” Is it social media? Reading? The ever growing list of projects I’d like to do, the books I’d like to read, the games I want to run, and work, and running, and Aikido... It’s all eating away at my time and when I’m tired I sometimes feel the urge to cancel all activities and shut myself in. Perhaps the introvert in me is growing stronger. Or perhaps it is the slow passage of years. Without realising it, I have grown older, slower. And how would I react if my life were to be filled to the brim but I have grown older and become slower? That’s right: stretched thin, overextended.

Thus the need to slow down. Writing things down, using a pen, reminding myself of how I learned to write, not writing anything for anybody, but using the process of writing for reflection and processing, that’s what I’m trying to do. And that’s why it can’t happen on this site, even though the main page is Diary. It’s too personal, too banal, to raw, and not intended to be read by anybody, not even me. It’s a write-only notebook.

It’s also not a bullet journal. Yes, we have todo lists, also in a notebook, and I try to liven it up every now and then, but it’s not intended to help me process my life, That’s why I need a real diary, with real sentences, and paragraphs, and at least the pretension of trying to find the right words.

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