@takeonrules talks about missing their children. I sometimes wonder what we gave up when we decided not to have children. I once heard my mother say something to the effect that she and her brothers suffered because their parents loved each other so much and there was not a lot of love left for their children. That’s how I feel towards the children I might have had: I’m sorry there was no place left in my life for you. My heart I gave away, my time I filled with computers and books. I did not want to take the time. I used to say: perhaps in a world without contraception, I might have been a good father. But I could never get myself to make the choice: to give something up for children. This entire business seemed way to risky to me. I am a child of the Cold War. I thought about nuclear fallout a lot when I was a kid. Then I thought about the War on Drugs, and the ongoing climate catastrophe. There just wasn’t ever an opportune time window. I am much too pessimistic about the future.
– Alex 2021-07-03 06:54 UTC
With my children, I did some sharing of games and books with them; and it sparked some interest, running just a few 5E games for my daughters was a highlight. Listening to their fresh approaches gave me the deepest insights into who they each were.
That was one moment in a complicated balancing act of having 3 children (then a step-daughter). As each child developed their own passions, I found myself spread thin. I was also coping with the depression of divorcing. And now, I do what I can to keep connections which have frayed in the twisting and untwisting of knots that are blended families.
My heart aches because of my children; the knowing that I could’ve done better, paired with the knowledge that I did the best I could.
– Jeremy 2021-07-03 12:33 UTC