This page collects images and trivial stuff that might be of interest to friends and relatives. ;-)

2019-09-18 Black and white photography

I’ve been taking some black and white pictures lately and I really like the effect. I should take more black and white pictures.


Comments on 2019-09-18 Black and white photography

These are beautiful. Love these, Alex!

Eugene Eric Kim 2019-09-18 17:33 UTC

Eugene! Long time no see! Thank you for the comment. Whenever I feel insecure about my pictures I remember a very old blog post of yours where you wrote about telling a story in a picture. That’s advice that keeps pushing me because by nature I think I just like landscapes and texture and colors and that’s nice but … not a story.

Oh, and eating horse meat, of course! 😅

– Alex Schroeder 2019-09-18 18:28 UTC

Yeah, those have come out very well! Not to geek out too much, but what sort of camera are you using?

Anne 2019-09-18 23:51 UTC

I have an Olympus E-P5 with the 17mm f/1.8 M.Zuiko lens. The camera is a bit on the large side, but the 17mm is nice and small.

I also carry around an Olympus M.Zuiko Digital ED 75-300mm 1:4.8-6.7 II, which makes the entire bag very heavy and bulky. 😭

But consider this: I’m picking the images I like from a pool of nearly a thousand images, if I remember correctly. So what did I end up picking?

144Olympus E-P5
51iPhone 6s
168iPhone 8

So where as my old iPhone 6s is a loser, my wife’s iPhone 8 is beating the Olympus E-P5. I guess those phone cameras really are going to win in the end!

Hm, now that I think about it, I think I should set them in context! Thus, here are the pictures in my folder:

306Olympus E-P5
176iPhone 6s
595iPhone 8
5other (WhatsApp, Screenshots)

And so, dividing one by the other to determine the success rate based on the camera model:

47%Olympus E-P5
29%iPhone 6s
28%iPhone 8

Argh! Now I’m confused. The problem is of course that the iPhone 8 was usually operated by my wife. So I guess in terms of iPhone successrate, there’s no difference between the pictures taken by either of us.

It’s still possible I only get out the bigger camera when there’s something more interesting to see and thus Olympus pictures have a higher success rate because of it. 🤔

I guess... the conclusion to draw is... uh... what I’m doing is rubbish statistics! 😭

– Alex Schroeder 2019-09-19 08:16 UTC

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2019-09-17 Dreams

Over time I’ve been thinking about my dreams every now and again. And really why shouldn’t I? We dream every day.

Today, for example, I discovered another limitation of my dream generator: when using a digital camera with a display in a dream, my brain cannot figure out how to change the image on the display when I moved the camera. I was trying to align a shot and the image on the display rolled and waved like crazy. It was like trying to read in my dreams. The brain keeps trying to explain why it doesn’t work. I laughed when I woke up. 😀


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2019-08-25 Creating

Recently, @22 recommended the blog post Consume less, create more. The author argues that there is no moral high grounds to be gained when substituting reading books for social media, when reading newspapers instead of Twitter. Being thoroughly informed is not a value per se. All you get is material for smalltalk.

Let’s talk about the first part, consuming less.

I tend to agree with the idea that most people don’t gain from reading those huge daily newspapers.

  • They don’t benefit spiritually. They aren’t happier.
  • They don’t benefit politically. They don’t vote better.
  • They don’t benefit epistemologically. Their knowledge doesn’t allow them to act better.

So, you need to know enough to be able to make the right decisions in the realm where you can make a difference. You need to know a bit about the climate catastrophe in order to vote green. Knowing all the details, however, isn’t necessary and will most likely bring you down.

You need to know enough to convince yourself that your are right, that your newspaper is good. You need to know what you are doing.

Everything else is entertainment. You might as well read a book, or scroll through Instagram.

I didn’t think I’d ever write something as anti-intellectual as this. But I think it’s important to know what the benefits of being an intellectual actually are.

  • Are you running for office?
  • Are you a policy maker?
  • Are you talking to policy makers?
  • Are you an activist, trying to sway public opinion?

If none of the above, and not planning to change, then chances are that our current system is simply information overload.

Perhaps you should read more as a teenager in order to know whether you want to be an activist and change the system. You probably should. It’s definitely worth changing (incrementally, hah).

I find the following works well enough for me:

  • I skim the international and national politics headlines in free newspapers full of ads that mostly just print what the big news agencies put out and skip all the stuff about music, people, holidays, pictures, and so on.
  • I read a small part of a leftist weakly newspaper, WOZ.
  • I read a small part of a leftist monthly newspaper, Monde Diplomatique.
  • I click on some links on social media from people I follow.

No TV.

But even this reduced diet is often overwhelming. Perhaps consuming less also makes me less suited for consuming what’s left.

The second part of the blog post is about creating more.

I often feel bad about not reading enough. I used to be a voracious reader. These days, I skim so much fragmented social media, headlines and abstracts, articles and introductions, it’s hard to focus on reading long articles, let alone books.

The terrible truth is that I am often bored when I read. As soon as I read something interesting, I want to write about it. Post a link. Write a comment. Or I start thinking about [[RPG|role-playing games] and programming. Creating things is more rewarding, these days. And it takes me so little effort it’s ridiculous. I feel like some people must feel like when they’re knitting: flow.

Anyway, I was reminded of an older blog post I had read, Productivity Rules. It’s about reducing your exposure to social media. It’s also about reading more books. Ah, I don’t know about reading more books. It’s also about creativity and being more “productive.”

I wonder. I want to know enough to be able to make the appropriate political decisions, but not so much that it crushes my soul. I often feel crushed and think I’m a fool for it. I often close the newspaper and think to myself: ugh, enough! But this is taking us back to what I wrote above. I guess many books these days simply bore me and that’s that. There are no excuses.

But this talk about being “productive” is weird. I refuse to see my free time in terms of productivity. That’s late stage capitalism talking. I don’t need to improve myself, I don’t need to get ahead in my free time.

Or perhaps we are applying the word to something different? @PresGas suggested “fruitfulness.” Interesting association: fecundity.

I guess the measure I’d have is: on my death bed, what would I say about my life?

  • I was lucky beyond belief in love and life
  • I didn’t work too hard and didn’t suffer any hardship, ever
  • I guess I’m sorry I’m taking down the planet with me?

Even in this respect I don’t think I would say: I wish my blog had been more popular. I wish I had been able to sell role-playing games. I don’t wish to have produced more. I don’t want consumers for my products. I want to meet and play games with my peers.

Thus, the audience is small, and I’m mainly doing it for myself. I think that’s how I keep our sanity. Making things for ourselves. Sometimes, incidentally, some free software project or a book or a track turns out to be a big hit, or a money making machine – but mostly they don’t and we need to be happy with that. And it’s still better than consuming a ton and never making a thing.

At least that’s how I explain it to myself. 😅

I think that’s how I keep my sanity.


Comments on 2019-08-25 Creating

And a day later, @meta links to Sin-eaters: journalists devour the sins of others but to what end? It’s a long litany of terrible things that happened on a particular day, enraging and numbing at the same time, and there you have it: it changes nothing.

I wonder if there’s a better way to live without abstaining from the feed entirely? What exactly is it we’re doing, those of us who scroll through our newsfeed endlessly like an addict lifelessly pulling the lever on a slot machine waiting for information and sadness to spill out?

Indeed, where to find that sweet, sweet balance.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-08-26 15:11 UTC

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2019-08-23 Invisible Ticks

I’ve had a red spot for a few days on my left leg. I had scratched myself there a few days ago and so at first I thought it was just a minor irritation. It was never a problem but it also didn’t go away. But five days ago it started to develop into a ring and my wife told me to go and see a doctor. A day later and I’m on 10 days of antibiotics. Fucking invisible ticks. Keep an eye on those red spots.

Lyme disease is apparently not too hard to treat if you get started early, i.e. when you can still see the spot.

A friend we have suffered from non-diagnosed Lyme disease and fought against it for months. Wrong treatments, long treatments... It’s just a very long hassle.

As my wife got antibiotics for an eye infection earlier the same day, we laughed and said: “finally I also have something to worry about.” 😆

Later that day I heard my wife on the phone talking to her mom and saying, “you know: he has men’s lyme disease!” And then both burst out laughing. 😭

Anyway, my wife sending me to the doctor is another example of why married men seem to live longer, healthier lives. Apparently they go and see the doctor more often than when they’re alone. So men: go and see the doctor more often. And if your public health care is shite I hope your country gets that fixed ASAP. ☹️


Comments on 2019-08-23 Invisible Ticks

Jesus! Take care, Alex. I hope you get well soon.

– Enzo 2019-08-23 12:48 UTC


– Alex Schroeder 2019-08-23 15:07 UTC

Today was the last day of my antibiotics. I didn’t do any sports in all this time, avoided the sun, was tired, with aching joints. I sure hope this is all going to change for the better, soon.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-08-29 11:44 UTC

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2019-08-14 Achievements in the Anthropocene

@Miredly was musing about life and work:

I’m wasting my life, time is slipping away and the world is ending. I’ll never achieve the things I want to achieve.

I fear this is related to the winner-takes-all job situation some of us find themselves in. In other words, wherever there are rockstars this happens. No matter how well we can sing or dance or program, we are not Michael Jackson or Linus Torvalds. Jobs that don’t scale don’t have this problem: the butcher, carpenter, gardener – they don’t feel like losing at the job because there are no rockstars as far as I know. So the self-worth we derive from our job depends on the rockstariness.

Then again, time is slipping away, life is short and then we die, and apparently the world is ending because we didn’t just fail as individuals but as a culture. I spoke about work because that is where we can do something for our own mental health: look away. Focus on the private life, the achievements of living, of going for a walk, of good food, of beautiful sunsets, of seeing plants and animals and the sky.

The general malaise of being human in the anthropocene and late stage capitalism can only be handled by distraction, I fear. We run and dance in order not to see.

Facing the truth of our insignificance is unnecessary, most of the time. Realize it, ponder it, and then put it aside.

As a kid I was looking at what Alexander the Great had accomplished at my age. But then came the day when I realized I had survived the butcher and I realized that maybe simply being alive is enough. It doesn’t always help, though.


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2019-03-27 Work Life Balance

Some days – almost all the working days – I am troubled by the time structure of life. I want my mornings slow. Reading social media, making coffee, drinking coffee, watering plants. I want to walk to the office. There, I should work for eight hours but when it’s sunny outside I’d love to go for run over lunch and I’m tired after six to seven hours of work. And in the evening I want play D&D or practice Aikido or sit and read with my wife, and time is running out and where did it all go?

To be fair, there are also the days when I’d love to sit in the office until late, the last one staring at the screen, tapping that keyboard, an island of light in a sea of darkness. But it’s rare and it usually means plans fell through for the evening.

Is my schedule too full? Is age creeping up on me, trying to tell me I must slow down? I must slow down even more? I already work a part time job and yet there is so much left to do.

I’ll have to try and focus. Tell myself to be positive about it. My life is full. I want to work because I want the money in order to be carefree the rest of the time. It is the carefreelessness that enables me to fill it with all the things I enjoy and thus it will always be the case that I want more of it. A certain unhappiness is unavoidable and has to be dealt with.

This work-life-balance thing is hard, even if you work a part-time Job like I do.


Comments on 2019-03-27 Work Life Balance

How did you convince your employer to let you work part-time, and how part is it? 🙂

Adam 2019-03-27 22:10 UTC

I work 60% over the year, usually Friday’s off and a four month summer break.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-03-27 22:16 UTC

@sajith recommended the book The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, by Jonathan Haidt. I just read through How to Become Happier and I am intrigued.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-03-28 06:05 UTC

I’ve always been skeptical about self help books. I think less time put on them, and more on real books, is a better strategy to become happier. On that line, I suggest Herman Hesse’s “Siddartha”, Tolstoi “The Death of Ivan Ilyich” or Jorge Semprun’s “L’écriture ou la vie” if you haven’t read them yet.

On the topic of work life balance, it seems to me that you have a very healthy solution going on. Perhaps you could use a creative mid term goal to spend your free time on (pottery, woodworking, painting...) away from the screens? Even if that would mean reading your posts less often...

– Enzo 2019-03-30 09:55 UTC

I’ve read Siddartha as a teenager. Another one that was a big influence at the time was Erich Fromm’s To Have or to Be?. I haven’t read the two others. But perhaps you are right and reading good books where advice about the good life is incidental is actually the better thing to do.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-03-30 12:39 UTC

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2019-03-10 It has been 27 years

Today my wife and I have been together for 27 years. It still amazes me how wonderful this time has been.

Ever since cancer came and went, I also keep thinking about the frailty of life, how we cannot be sure of anything, and most importantly, that it is far from a given that we’re going to spend another 27 years together.

XKCD knows so much about cancer, it scares me. Three days ago I was looking at two of the comics linked and I started crying. These situations tell me that the hurt is real, that even though almost all the days are happy, the body still remembers.


Comments on 2019-03-10 It has been 27 years

Congratulations to both of you 🙂

– Enzo 2019-03-12 06:27 UTC


– Alex Schroeder 2019-03-12 16:09 UTC

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2019-03-02 The need to relax

Joe Bush wrote Deep vs. Wise and in it he talks about his frustration with how he handles his hobbies and how he is unhappy about himself.

I pick up new things pretty easily, but I put them down just as easily. Rarely do I dive super deep on a given subject, nor do I ever really attain mastery at anything.

– Joe Bush

I can relate. I tried to learn Arabic for four years with a private tutor. I spent at least two years trying to learn Japanese on my own. I’ve tried to learn playing the flute (the alto recorder). I’ve tried to learn to draw using a brush and ink, using a dip pen, and using an app.

I’m also a 1st Dan Aikidoka but I’m too lazy to practice for 2nd Dan. I’m a hobby programmer but I don’t want to tackle any big projects. I used to read voraciously but I just don’t make the time any more.

I can relate to Joe Bush’s plight.

I a recent conversation with Chris we agreed that we’re all 60% or 80% people. the exact percentage doesn’t matter. The important thing is that our hobbies take us only so far. They never take us to the top. My French teacher in Bangkok used to say: “Les cimes!” Aim for the peak!

Our culture tries to push us to the top. Struggle! Practice! And increasingly: Monetize! Hustle! But I don’t want to. This is not Otium (Muße in German). This is not leisure time in which to play, rest, and contemplate. Thus, I tried to get away from this mindset. I tried to look at it from the other direction: If I don’t read, then obviously I no longer enjoy reading as I feel I should. If I don’t practice Aikido or Japanese, then obviously I don’t feel as strongly about them as I feel I should.

And thus the truth is revealed: it is this image of myself that I need to get rid of. I need to face the truth and learn to love it, and to love me as I am: an eternal dabbler, a playful, curious, loving mammal. Mastery is not for me. Yearlong dedication is not for me. Laser focus is not for me.

I think it would be healthier to just get the respect of ten people for a thing you do. Ten people like my Aikido, even though I feel like I should do more. Ten people like my podcast even though I could polish it more. Ten people like my drawings even though I should draw more.

Learn to love things as they are.


Comments on 2019-03-02 The need to relax

Lovely musings. It reminds me: a few years ago when I was making my living doing a bunch of things (acting, directing, teaching yoga, PHP programming, web guru-ing) I started referring to myself as a “professional dilettante”. I was not an adept or master of any of the things I was doing to make my living, but I was good enough at each of them that they could each form a piece of the puzzle that was my livelihood. I remember it was frustrating at first not be a “the person who does [this]” and know that I was a master of that one thing. But eventually I came to enjoy the breadth.

acodispo 2019-03-03 14:51 UTC

Yes! 🙂

– Alex Schroeder 2019-03-03 14:58 UTC

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2019-02-23 Hayfever

The last week or two have been warm, and tonight was the first night where hayfever woke me up. This early in the year? I remember April?

Prognose von Samstag, 23. Februar 2019 bis Dienstag, 26. Februar 2019

Das sonnige Wetter begünstigt die Ausbreitung einiger Pollenarten. Haselpollen finden sich in den Niederungen in hohen Konzentrationen, ausser in Gebieten mit nächtlichen Minustemperaturen wie Senken oder Alpentäler. Erlenpollen erreichen im Allgemeinen mässige Belastungswerte. Auf der Alpensüdseite ist die Blüte weiter vorangeschritten, und Hasel- ebenso wie Erlenpollen finden sich in den Niederungen und Talsohlen in hohen Konzentrationen.



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2019-02-14 Narcissism

I was commenting on a post by Anne Hunter about Zak S on Google+ and since that platform is about to disappear, I’m posting something similar here as well.

Please note that I’m going to use “narcissist” in the following without there being an actual diagnosis by anyone. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder page is interesting: “characterized by persistent grandiosity, excessive need for admiration, and a personal disdain and lack of empathy for others … arrogance and a distorted sense of superiority, and they seek to establish abusive power and control over others … … typically value themselves over others to the extent that they openly disregard the feelings and wishes of others, and expect to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual status or achievements … intolerance of criticism, and a tendency to belittle others in order to validate their own superiority” and so on.

The reason people are now all speaking out against Zak is, I believe, that the all experienced some of the above in some degree and so Mandy and Viv’s stories seem so plausible.

I talked about the entire situation with my wife. Zak is the first narcissist in my life but unfortunately she has seen quite a few at the workplace and had started reading about the entire thing. But it’s only now that I’ve been able to put it all together. I was simply unable to prove anything and didn’t (and still don’t) want to judge people on vague statements and exhortations to “believe”. I wrote about this back in 2016: “That’s why I agree with people like Zak: there needs to be more accountability online. Posting online is not like talking to friends. Posting online is like writing for the press if more than a handful of people can read it. Accountability is key. Politeness is key.”

I have so little to do with Zak and Mandy and Vik and all the others in this story that I’d like to move away from the personal. I wish them all the best. Let the victims heal. Let the perpetrators learn and grow as a human. I don’t know the truth. It’s hard to know what to believe.

The only thing I know is what many people are writing about right now. Online, Zak exhibited many of the traits I quoted from the Wikipedia article. It’s interesting to see how the entire spectrum exists between different people, and over time: association, disengaging, hiding, blocking. I want to focus on that part, because that’s the part that affects us all, I think. As a society, it’s hard to know how to deal with narcissists.

How do we deal with the smart and charming but ruthless and heartless people, the manipulative abusers? I liked the unprofessional looking How To Deal with a Narcissist. They have big pictures. But read what it says. It matched the things my wife had read and experienced even if it was couched in super friendly words. I feel the part about walking away and ending relationships was super important based on what my wife had been telling me and I think that’s what many of us have been doing, gradually, each according to their own needs to be safe.

I also noticed that the article talks about “a spouse, a parent” and I realized that sometimes narcissists are family and it’s not always as (comparatively) easy as quitting a job or cutting ties on social media. 😥

As for myself, I definitely want to get better at spotting and handling narcissists. This is a skill I totally need to improve. I still don’t know how to do that without compromising my values. I don’t want to participate in angry mobs, I don’t want to believe every accusation, I still want people to be able to defend their position. It’s hard to do all this in the workplace, and it’s hard to do on social media.

Thus, I don’t feel bad for my slow and silent retreat, I don’t feel bad for liking the interesting things Zak did, or standing up for my values, but I definitely want to get better at spotting and handling narcissists.

Things to watch out for:

  • people being callous towards the other side in a conflict (no mercy, no understanding, no forgiving, no healing)
  • noticing how other people you like disappear (when they stop blogging, stop posting, stop commenting)
  • noticing the same feeling of caution, trepidation, or fear in yourself (when you hesitate to post or comment, fearing to get involved)
  • people being defended by others on purely rational grounds (like I did: sometimes we assume the others are simply socially awkward or inept and we hope that they actually mean well or just can’t help themselves; look out for emotional words that point in the other direction, like the words I used: “aggressive” and “angrily”)

Keep track of these things and use these as early warning signs.

Here’s what not to expect:

  • call-outs are super rare because of the anxiety and loyalty (a web of guilt and fear holds it together: you’ve seen other people put down, or you got help in the past)
  • confrontations and proof is hard to find (because they are smart: they keep records and the other side does not; the make sure to exert pressure where others cannot see)

Here’s what to do:

  • most of all: disengage (like somebody said in Anne Hunter’s thread: “The first rule of responsible care is to not create a second patient.”)
  • help the targeted (if your early warning signs went off, contact people in private and support each other – this is something I need to do, definitely)

Here’s what to expect:

  • all those people suffering in isolation, all those people quietly retreating – they remember! – and when the dam finally breaks, there’s a shit ton of resentment that has built up

Anyway, that’s why I feel like I can say this in public: I don’t know whether the accusations are true or not (they seem very plausible!) but the thing I know for sure are the warning signs I mentioned:

  • callous treatment of others
  • people I liked disappearing
  • noticing the trepidation in myself before getting involved.


Comments on 2019-02-14 Narcissism

Wow, this is a great post.

– Anonymous 2019-02-14 21:55 UTC

I also recommend Thank You, Mandy by Michael Prescott about the importance of feelings, and how the idea of using legal arguments to decide who to be friends with is a “reasonable-sounding bad idea.”

If you want to see examples of how the duping actually went – because it’s hard to imagine if you haven’t experienced it, and because it’s important to recognize it when you meet somebody with narcissist tendencies, here are some links:

  • Crossroads. Ben summarizes a conversation he had. “When we talked it was like I was speaking to a completely different person … He was generous. He said nice and empathetic things about some of the people he feuded with. I was actually grateful to him at the time for handling it all so reasonably.”
  • Thoughts on the zaklash, personal stuff. Cavegirl talks about the duality of the experience: they are nice to you and make you feel smart and valuable, and yet at the same time you see things blow up elsewhere. Also, a transcript of a conversation.
  • OSR: On Zak (Sabbath) Smith. Skerples has some screenshots of how one-on-one conversations went.

I’m listing these blog posts because it’s interesting to see how the magic works, and it’s important to me that it not work again the next time.

Sadly, in our lives, we will probably meet more narcissists. Some of us will be charmed and end up entangled in a web of obligations and deception, others will feel something is wrong but can’t put their finger on it, and most of us will want to lead our lives and will not want to be part of lynch mobs and witch trials. And yet, we will need to work together. We need to realize as a group that there is a somebody amongst us taking advantage of how we feel.

I don’t want to fall for it again.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-02-15, 2019-02-16

Also interesting: In Repercussions, Brendan talks about the slow realization that friends are disappearing, that you you need to watch you words near somebody who is as aggressive online as Zak was and how that drives people away even if they didn’t do anything wrong. And he talks about one of the remedies I mentioned, too: sending direct messages.

We really do need to warn each other, support each other, organize our response. Together we stand, divided we fall.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-02-19 06:50 UTC

And also interesting: In I Don't Know What to Think, with a more legal mindset, basically expanding on the point how most people who have practically no connection to accused or accuser cannot sure (”beyond all reasonable doubt”) of what happened.

But then again, that’s self-evident to me (now, I guess I should add?) – we can believe things without convicting people. We can end friendships and make financial decisions based on hearsay. There is not perfect justice in this world.

I loved this anonymous comment:

Lord save me from ignorant people who bandy around legal terms on elf game blogs. I include myself in this.

Hearsay refers to a statement not made as oral evidence in court during trial. It can be evidence in some circumstances.

More importantly, if this situation is being treated as a criminal trial […] the statements by Mandy and co should be treated as being made in the course of the trial, i.e. as oral evidence, which is admissible without any of the caveats that apply to hearsay.

You can’t have it both ways - requiring people to apply the standard of proof that only applies during a criminal trial, while treating the accusers’ statements as being made wholly outside any legal process.

Like, I don’t know whether people have just watched too much CSI and think that ‘evidence’ only refers to CCTV and forensics and all that exciting HARD PHYSICAL EVIDENCE in little plastic bags, because they’re in for a rude surprise if they ever end up in court.

Statements made by people are evidence. That’s what a witness statement is. Multiple statements that corroborate each other are generally pretty good evidence, and can certainly be sufficient for conviction. People get sentenced to prison (actual prison, not ‘no one will buy my books or art and now I have to work a normal job’) every day on the basis of oral evidence. All this bleating about hearsay and evidenceless accusations and people’s lives being ruined is based on ignorance about what’s actually involved in the criminal process - which, again, this is not, so you would be perfectly justified in not requiring the same standards of proof, evidence, etc.

– Anonymous

Definitely stuff I hadn’t thought through myself.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-02-19 15:54 UTC

A thought I had about Narcissists, but about domestic abuse: Werewolves as a Metaphor for Domestic Abusers.

– Alex Schroeder 2019-02-22 16:55 UTC

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